love makes seman taste better
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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