WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
