I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
