Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
