So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
