the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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