so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You made out with two different species that night
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
