You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
