dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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