I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
