dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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