Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
