she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
