were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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