I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
