Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
