YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
