I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
