Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
