God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
