is your mom at the bar?
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
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