all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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