So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
