I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
