Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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