Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
