is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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