I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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