her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
