I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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