Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
