They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
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There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
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I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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