You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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