ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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