I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
