Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
