i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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