Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This show inspires me to have sex in space
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
