Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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