I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize