Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
