I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We are two peas in an std pod
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
