getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
