so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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