If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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