if you like me you must not know who I am
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
