My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
