i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
