I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
