you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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