I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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