Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
