I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
