That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
