I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
