I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
