I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
