so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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