I cannot find my penis.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Randomize
