Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
