a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
