I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
