and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
