I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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