matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
