quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
