Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
