if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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