jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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