4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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