I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
