We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
