I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
