pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
