Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
