I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
