i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize